I have no idea why I share my beautiful home with such an egotistic being, who can’t muster up even an iota of understanding for my situation and makes my life intolerable with his arrogance“, my can opener hurled these words at me with a flush of anger in his face. In your eyes things are either good or bad, valuable or worthless, beautiful or ugly, black or white. You think someone either has an athletic body or looks like a pudding, there is no second or third place, only first and last. I only hear the terms mediocrity or average from you when you are referring to someone else, because the world revolves around extremes in your opinion, without grey zones or colours.”
I simply don’t understand! Weeks before he had been so secretive and spoke in riddles. His secrecy was so obvious that it practically stank of a catastrophe. His behaviour set alarm bells ringing in my head, warning me in the shrillest tones of the approaching disaster. What was all this about? What was he up to? And then the moment of disclosure had obviously arrived. „So tell me, what do you think? He stuttered like an excited toddler. I really put a lot of thought into finding the best way to optimise our work-life balance! What do you think of our holiday destination this year? Only silence, spirituality and new stimuli. No responsibility and no stressful sightseeing-programme. I was speechless. He wanted to lock us up behind monastery walls, maybe even with an inclusive fasting, self-discovery and yoga course. I flashed my claws for a moment on a wild impulse, but, with our silk wallpaper in mind, just about managed to get them under control again. I struggled to keep my composure but gave nothing away. I slowly turned my back to him and walked out of the room in slow motion with my shoulders stooped and dragging my feet. On the threshold I said with a sepulchral voice: „You don’t seriously think that I’m going to spend my well-deserved holiday in a silent monastery just so you can work on your failed self-discovery fantasy!“ I definitely won’t spend the night in a barren cell and listen to you gnawing on a biscuit that you managed to smuggle in. After all I have certain standards. Besides, you won’t stay the course anyway. I’m going to book a holiday now that suits my status and my social standing on this planet. I’ll write you a postcard if you give me the address of your bunk!“ I then closed the door quietly from the other side and revelled in the astonished silence. But not for long. The screaming that followed, along the lines of the start of this text, could be heard three streets away and could only be quelled by an emergency visit from the doctor, a sedative injection and the subsequent administering of a double whiskey. „For goodness sake, man, pull yourself together, you’re stressing me out so much that I’d voluntarily go into a monastery to get away from your screaming! Life is one big pilgrimage“, I continued to convince him, while he cried in a whimpering voice and I rocked him in my arms like a baby, who simply does not want to understand. Real life is not black and white, it’s as colourful as we are!“




Copyrights © Manuela Dona