Tips for outdoor guys
I am an outdoor guy, a tomcat, who acts naturally and sustainably in everything he does. Be it business, fashion, leisure time or food. I have even recently become a carefree, uncomplicated fellow with regard to my appearance. I have to admit that this was not always the case, but life gave me a deeper understanding of the meaning of a natural lifestyle!
Always sleeping on silk sheets, eating from the 5-star delicatessen and alcohol flowing in apocalyptic measures. Always only the very best, consumption was the greatest value in life for me and my can opener. I was fed up with this life.
One day I was sitting full and content at the window and I looked out into the garden of our upper-class hut that we called home.
Suddenly a tomcat entered into the boring setting of the perfectly trimmed lawn from the left. He was young, self-confident, held his head high with pride and promptly began to mark my green domain extensively. The scene captured such a level of animal power that I just stood and gaped.
Suddenly he looked me straight in the eye. The wild freedom that confronted me from his arrogant gaze was almost intolerable. He transfixed me for a few seconds, then slowly and provocatively turned his back on me and disappeared with one single, smooth jump over the wall.
Distraught I looked into the garden! My thoughts wandered to a time when I could only stand being indoors for a short while. Meadows, forests and lakes were my world, I could breathe, be active and always discover something new, women threw themselves at my feet. I was free!
The elation I experienced with these thoughts resounded so intensively within me that I immediately decided to reorder my life.
The first step was to enter the term „outdoor guy“ into the search engine and promptly place a large order from the online outdoor shop. One valuable „outdoor must-have“ after the next made its way into my virtual shopping cart from boots, cardigans and barefoot shoes to 5-star camping equipment.
Unsolicited recommendations from the www constantly hovered around.
DIY knotting instructions for a hammock, going vegan is masculine, the 50 hottest sex positions in the Kama Sutra, attain unimagined climaxes with a Tantra massage…
I froze, deleted the contents of the shopping cart, hit the computer a helpless angry blow and heard how it shattered loudly on the floor. In my head the film of my life was playing. What had become of me? After the intolerable realization, I opened the window and jumped with one smooth movement that epitomized the entire wildness of my species into the garden. A fine summer breeze stroked through my fur, it smelled of earth, grass, life was waiting at the corner and it stank overpoweringly of enemy. I heard Adam, my tin opener, calling anxiously from the window: „What is wrong with you?“
I gave him a brief, disparaging look and disappeared with one single wild leap over the wall. If I was going to be an outdoor guy then one hundred percent!